To Kill a Plant

I’m a plant killer. It’s not intentional. I do enjoy plants. My sister-in-law has a corner full of plants and I could sit in front of them like a kid sits in front of cartoons. Their beauty and rich green life have a soothing effect on me. However, I still kill plants.

When someone gives me a plant as a gift, on the outside, I thank her warmly for her dead-houseplant3thoughtfulness and generosity.

On the inside, I’m screaming,“NO, PLEASE, NO! You don’t understand. This lovely, leafy friend will die a slow, thirsty death. I’ve killed cactuses! Take this innocent plant back to the safety of your domicile. My home is a desert wasteland!”

Initially, I do try to faithfully tend to my gift and for a little while delude myself into thinking I’m actually good at taking care of plants. Inevitably, I regress to my scattered, yet endearing, self. I begin to look at the plant and, in my head, or sometimes out loud I say various things:

“Hmm. I think that plant needs water.”

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Strictly Ornamental

“When was the last time I watered that thing?”

“I need to water that plant.”

This can go on for weeks. I look, utter the phrase, and pass by. Then comes the staring. When I simply stare at the plant without making reference to it, when there’s nothing more to say about it, because it has morphed into a brown, shriveled, desiccated mess, well, you’d think it was over. Nope. I can stare at the pathetic wreckage formerly know as my plant for as long as it takes. I could win a “Stare at Your Dead Plant” marathon.

Sometimes my husband throws it out. I know, I’m a coward, but hucking that thing in the trash makes me feel like such a failure.accidental-slip-542551_19202

We have plastic representations of plants in our home now. I’ve successfully grown dust on all of them.

So there. I’ve confessed. I’m a plant killer. Anyone who knows me and loves me would be wise not to gift me anymore plants, for the sake of my self-esteem and growing things everywhere. Thank you. Moving on.

Oh yeah. The other day my kids told me they wanted a dog. 😉

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4 thoughts on “To Kill a Plant

    1. I love animals and enjoy other people’s animals. I’m a mother and a caregiver and that seems to be all the care-giving I’m capable of, hence the plant situation. I’m sorry to hear about your dog. I know they become part of your family. You live in a very beautiful place. I hope to visit someday. Thanks for reading and sharing your life and experience. 🙂

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