More Paper, Please

I want some more paper, please

I haven’t reached my quota yet

Please don’t forget to send some by

I must entreat the banks to offer me more credit cards or I’ll get bored

It brings me joy to sit and shred old bills and application forms I’ll never use

It’s how I like to spend all my spare time and time is precious, don’t ya know

A helicopter drop of dollar off coupons would give me such a thrill

I really like to get a deal

Still, I can never find one when I’m standing at a till

I think they’re not unlike those hoards of socks that disappear and clutter up the atmosphere

Global warming comes to mind

I wish that I could find a few more glossy flyers

Oh, how they inspire me

I paste them into scrapbooks as I contemplate the vastness of the universe

I’ll have to curse if I don’t get a truckload of those old religious tracts

They make me feel so damned and guilty

Otherwise, they don’t affect me

Now, at last, I must confess, I do not have enough to stuff my padded bra

Or wallpaper my dining room

Or gather up my friends to fashion origami doves for all the children of the world

And I’m embarrassed to admit, I do require a huge supply to satisfy my regular desire
To wipe my butt and plug my low flush toilet up

The latter should explain the urgency of my request

I do not jest or wish to be a pest

I want some more paper, please